Scientists are working around the clock to develop a new set of facial expressions, to be universally adopted and understood to mean “You’re a twat.”
Scientists at Cardiff University have today published the results of their long-term, independent studies into how to maintain a long and happy marriage.
Tracey Bustle, a 39-year-old mother of three took drastic action in Dunstable yesterday to combat the ever-shifting glacier of attitude creeping her way and threatening to engulf her entirely.
“I literally couldn’t take it anymore,” wept an emotional Bustle.
A middle-aged woman has confessed that she’ll probably never actually get around to reading ‘Pride and Prejudice’.
Jane Ashton, 44, smiled ruefully as she admitted that she just can’t get into the 203-year old classic, bought for her by a well-intentioned friend.
“I can’t even watch the film, and I quite like Keira Knightley as a rule…”
Women have finally revealed that the whole beard thing was one big joke.
Helen, 40, says: “I’ve tried to tell my boyfriend that he looks like a tosser but he just doesn’t get it. What am I supposed to do? I’ve not been able to post a cute-couple selfie since mid-July.”
Helen’s friend Jasmine, 42, is suffering too. “My partner was mistaken for a hipster this week. What the hell does that say about me?