The Daily Bandwagon

Writers to be paid in ‘Likes’ from now on

The Daily Bandwagon

Writers and journalists—and in some cases teachers, doctors, and members of the emergency services—will, in the very near future, be paid solely in Facebook likes, it has been revealed.

In the wake of the tragic case of Merritt Tierce, the government has unveiled a plan to work alongside the social media giant and do away with all forms of financial remuneration for anyone providing “creative and/or non-essential public services”, replacing their wages with likes, comments, and—in the case of firefighters and plastic surgeons—shares.   

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Former PM believes back benches are no place for a man of his comedy talent

The Daily Bandwagon

David Cameron’s decision to step down as MP for Witney was based on fears he would be unable to control his raucous brand of comedy whilst seated in the back benches.

Cameron, who took the concerns of the ordinary people of the country very seriously while Prime Minister, has revealed that his true nature is something of the anarchic class clown, and his comic instinct would prove too distracting for Theresa May’s new cabinet.

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Man addicted to click-bait seeks professional help. What happens next will shock you!

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A man in his mid-thirties has admitted to being addicted to internet click bait, and is asking for emergency therapy to cure him.

Russell Watts, 37, explains: “I guess it started around 2010. Scanning an innocuous list of fifteen images I couldn’t believe existed, my eye was drawn to the bottom of the page, where there was a photo of a 17-year-old kid, reclining across the bonnet of a Ferrari holding a wad of banknotes, who claimed to be making upwards of £700 a day working from home. And it was happening in my local town! Suffice to say, I had to know more.”

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Middle Class Families Using Waitrose ‘Bags for Life’ as Bin Liners

The Daily Bandwagon

An increasing number of middle-class households are using the so-called “bags for life” from supermarket chain Waitrose in place of bin bags, it has emerged.

In what is seen as a direct snub of the nation’s vote to leave the EU back in June, hundreds of well-to-do Remainers are deliberately dumping their butternut squash peelings and Teapigs tea temples into the green-handled bags—which cost ten pence a time—instead of using the traditional black bin liners.