The Daily Bandwagon

Scientists confirm: Gesticulating behind partner’s back more effective than talking

The Daily Bandwagon

Scientists at Cardiff University have today published the results of their long-term, independent studies into how to maintain a long and happy marriage. 

Dr. Sally Proust told us: “People have long espoused that the best way to keep a marriage on track is to talk things out. Our studies have shown that talking and attempting to resolve issues likes adults results in a 36% chance of a long and happy marriage, whilst gesticulating behind the safety of a locked bathroom door comes in at 76%.

“Add in the adrenaline-fuelled jeopardy that comes from knowing that your partner could whip round at any second and see you giving them the finger and you hit pay dirt. 100% effective.”

Man-in-the-street, Mike Stevens, 54, looked aghast when presented with the findings. Weeping gently he said: “All this time I thought we were happy and she just enjoyed a bath…”