The Daily Bandwagon

“We’re over the beard,” claim all women

The Daily Bandwagon

Women have finally revealed that the whole beard thing was one big joke.

Helen, 40, says: “I’ve tried to tell my boyfriend that he looks like a tosser but he just doesn’t get it. What am I supposed to do? I’ve not been able to post a cute-couple selfie since mid-July.”

Helen’s friend Jasmine, 42, is suffering too. “My partner was mistaken for a hipster this week. What the hell does that say about me?

“It was fine when it was just a bit of stubble. Like George Michael in the ‘80s, before we all realised he was gay. Now Jack’s oiling his face on a daily basis and staining my 300 thread count sheets. It’s f-king disgusting.”

Helen explained that it’s all the fault of their friend Phoebe. “It all started after a girls’ night in. We were smashed on Sambucca and peach Schnapps, and Pheebs started on about Jon Snow. She convinced us that it was be hilarious to get Adam and Jack to grow beards and it snowballed from there. Bitch.”

A tearful Phoebe told us her side of the story: “I don’t remember anything; I was twatted. They made me do a funnel of Archers and kept asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend. I hate them.”