I’m thinking of starting up my blog again. I suppose this is the first entry. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but several things have put me off. Firstly, it’s another thing to commit to, and I don’t have a great track record for sticking with extra-curricular activities such as blogging. I’ve got enough to keep me busy with my day job, and apparently there’s always more I could do for that. Secondly, I’m wary of putting anything out there, writing-wise, for a whole host of reasons—the main one being an I’m an over-sensitive little shit. It’s like anything: for every piece of positive feedback you get, there’s always one sarky comment or negative response that makes you think it’s all a waste of time.
Despite these misgivings, I think I’m going to do it. For one, blogging is good practice both for “real” writing, and for the whole process of putting stuff out there. This is something I really want to do. On top of that, writing is something I do every day anyway – in the morning, usually, for anywhere between thirty and forty minutes – and lately I’ve felt that some of it might be worth sharing.
During the week, I do my writing at school, in my classroom, before the chaos of another day begins. It’s a ritual, which usually consists of scribbling down a few lines in my journal, cup of coffee on the table in front of me, as I enjoy those few brief moments of silence and solitude. I jot down whatever comes into my head, jumping from thought to thought, and slowly finding a place from which to “take off”. At the weekends, I sit at my kitchen table and follow much the same routine, only I don’t rush to finish the page, and I can lose myself in the process for a little longer.
Either way, these sessions feel both necessary and decadent. Writers are often told to protect their writing time at all costs, but like most writers I often feel guilty about spending my time doing something so self-indulgent. Still, the act of writing, for me, is integral to my well-being, regardless of the content or “validity” of what ends up on the page. It’s a way of getting centred; a way of getting my thoughts and emotions in order, and addressing anything that’s going on—and, if not actually resolving any problems I’ve got, then at least acknowledging them and setting the wheels in motion for finding the solutions.
Lately, like I said, I’ve found that some of what I’m writing might be of interest to others. Whether that’s true or not remains to be seen. More and more, I find myself writing about things going on, both in here (points to head) and out there (gestures broadly to the world at large) and the impact of one upon the other. Another reason, then, for doing this, is that there’s so much going on, I just feel I can’t not share it. Whether it really is of any interest to others… well, I guess there’s only one way to find out.
One of the things I intend to post within the next few days is a piece about my experience as a school-teacher over the last twelve months. We are, after all, almost at the end of March, which was when the schools “closed” for the first time last year, and since then it’s been a wild old ride. I’m telling you this as a way of both testing the water for what might be an interesting topic, as well as making a commitment to the whole blogging thing. After all, if I say what I’m going to write each week, maybe that’ll force me to stick with it. Again, there’s only one way to find out…