David Cameron’s decision to step down as MP for Witney was based on fears he would be unable to control his raucous brand of comedy whilst seated in the back benches.
Cameron, who took the concerns of the ordinary people of the country very seriously while Prime Minister, has revealed that his true nature is something of the anarchic class clown, and his comic instinct would prove too distracting for Theresa May’s new cabinet.
Between firing spitballs at passers by in the House of Commons lobby, and sticking a Post-It note saying “Privatise Me” on Jeremy Corbyn’s back, he explained that he and George Osborne had already put Whoopee cushions on key seats in the front bench, including an especially large one for Theresa May herself.
“We couldn’t resist it,” giggled Osborne. “It’s our speciality!”
Osborne, whose other speciality is snoring loudly while other MPs are talking, then stopping when they look over, is set to remain in the House Of Commons and to continue the once-hilarious double act alone.
“It’ll be like Laurel without Hardy,” said Cameron with a shrug, before winking at Osborne and crouching down behind Chancellor Philip Hammond, ready for his sidekick to push him over.