Tracey Bustle, a 39-year-old mother of three took drastic action in Dunstable yesterday to combat the ever-shifting glacier of attitude creeping her way and threatening to engulf her entirely.
“I literally couldn’t take it anymore,” wept an emotional Bustle.
A man who went to see a film based on one of his favourite novels has complained that it was different to the book, and that the makers of the film “got it completely wrong” because it didn’t match his vision of how it would look on the big screen.
A middle-aged woman has confessed that she’ll probably never actually get around to reading ‘Pride and Prejudice’.
Jane Ashton, 44, smiled ruefully as she admitted that she just can’t get into the 203-year old classic, bought for her by a well-intentioned friend.
“I can’t even watch the film, and I quite like Keira Knightley as a rule…”
Women have finally revealed that the whole beard thing was one big joke.
Helen, 40, says: “I’ve tried to tell my boyfriend that he looks like a tosser but he just doesn’t get it. What am I supposed to do? I’ve not been able to post a cute-couple selfie since mid-July.”
Helen’s friend Jasmine, 42, is suffering too. “My partner was mistaken for a hipster this week. What the hell does that say about me?
Millions of millennials are struggling to understand the majority of the irony presented to them today, it has been revealed.
Overloaded with a multitude of memes, pseudo-philosophical bullshit, and motivational quotes created by morons who are unable to use apostrophes, today’s young people—often referred to as Generation Y, or even Generation Wuss—have all but lost the ability to discern most forms of irony, satire, or even straight-up sarcasm.